For parents of toddlers, those big emotions can sometimes come out of nowhere. One minute your little one is happily playing, and the next, they’re melting down over the wrong colour cup or having to leave the park. It can feel overwhelming, but these moments are a natural part of your child’s development.
At Papilio Early Learning, we understand that tantrums can be challenging, for children and parents alike. In this post, we’ll share some practical, compassionate strategies to help you guide your child through those big feelings, while also looking after your own wellbeing in the process.
Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?
Tantrums aren’t just about frustration, they’re a toddler’s way of expressing emotions they haven’t yet learned to manage. Young children are still developing their language skills and emotional regulation. So when they feel overwhelmed, they may cry, shout, or throw themselves on the floor, not because they want to misbehave, but because they don’t yet have the tools to express themselves differently.
Your calm, reassuring presence during these moments is one of the most powerful ways to support your child.
The Role You Play in Helping Your Child Calm Down
Children rely on the adults around them to co-regulate when their emotions run high. That means your toddler looks to you, not just for comfort, but also for cues on how to respond to stress.
When you stay calm and supportive (even if you’re feeling flustered inside), it helps your child feel safe and reassured. They begin to learn that emotions are okay, and that they can get through them with help.
Real-life example:
You’re leaving a birthday party and your toddler bursts into tears because they don’t want to go. They’re not trying to be difficult, they’re simply overwhelmed by the transition. A calm response like, “I know it’s hard to leave when you’re having fun,” followed by a hug, can go a long way.
Preventing Tantrums Before They Happen
While tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood, there are ways to reduce how often they occur. The key is helping your child build emotional awareness and confidence.
Try these simple steps:
-
Name the feeling: Use clear, simple words like “angry,” “sad,” or “frustrated” to help your child recognise what they’re feeling.
-
Look for patterns: Are tantrums more common when your child is tired or hungry? Knowing their triggers helps you plan ahead.
-
Talk afterwards: When your child is calm, talk about what happened and why. This reflection helps build their emotional understanding over time.
Staying Calm (Even When You Don’t Feel Calm)
Your emotional state during a tantrum sets the tone. While it’s not always easy to stay composed, your child will benefit from seeing how you handle difficult emotions.
Here are some tips:
-
Pause and breathe: Before reacting, take a deep breath to steady yourself.
-
Validate their emotions: Say things like, “I understand you’re upset,” to show you’re listening.
-
Offer choices: Simple decisions like, “Would you like water or milk?” give toddlers a sense of control.
-
Redirect with care: Gently shift their attention to something else - perhaps a calming activity or a special toy.
5 Steps to Help Your Toddler Calm Down
Here’s a step-by-step approach to guide your child through a big feeling:
-
Recognise the emotion: Notice what your child is feeling - angry, tired, overwhelmed?
-
Connect it to the trigger: “You’re upset because it’s time to go home.”
-
Pause and allow space: Sometimes silence is more helpful than trying to fix it right away.
-
Be present: Sit with them, hold their hand, or offer a cuddle.
-
Talk it through after: When they’re calm, talk about what happened and offer reassurance for next time.
How Our Lifelong Learning Curriculum Supports Emotional Development
At Papilio Early Learning, we believe emotional intelligence is just as important as early literacy or numeracy. That’s why our Lifelong Learning Curriculum places a strong focus on building social and emotional confidence from the very beginning.
Through play-based experiences, nurturing educator relationships, and daily opportunities to talk about feelings, children in our care learn how to identify, manage, and express their emotions in healthy ways. This creates a foundation for resilience, empathy, and future school success.
Supporting Our Educators So They Can Support Your Child
We know that confident, supported educators make all the difference. That’s why all Papilio educators have access to exclusive resources like the “Take 5 with Dr Kaylene Henderson” coaching series. Created in partnership with one of Australia’s leading child psychiatrists, this series gives our educators practical, evidence-based tools for supporting children through emotional ups and downs.
Our goal? Calm, responsive environments where children feel safe to express themselves and grow.
Book Recommendations for Parents and Toddlers
Sometimes, books can say what we struggle to. Whether you're reading together with your child or looking for parenting tips, these books can help:
For parents:
-
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen - Joanna Faber & Julie King
-
The Whole-Brain Child - Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
-
What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting - Leah K. Lievrouw
For toddlers:
-
The Way I Feel - Janan Cain
-
Today I Feel Silly - Jamie Lee Curtis
These books help build emotional vocabulary and open up important conversations between you and your child.
You’re Not Alone - Let’s Support Each Other
Tantrums can feel lonely, but every parent goes through them. At Papilio, we create a strong sense of community where families can share experiences, learn from each other, and feel supported every step of the way.
If you ever feel unsure or overwhelmed, reach out to your child’s educators. We’re here to help, because we’re in this together.
Final Thoughts
Tantrums are tough, but they’re also an opportunity to teach your child valuable emotional skills that will benefit them for life. With patience, understanding, and the right support, you can help your child navigate their big feelings and grow into a confident, resilient little learner.
At Papilio, we’re here to partner with you every step of the way.
Looking to learn more? Explore our programs or find a centre near you to book a tour today.